What's Stopping You?

If you are like most people, you have dreams and goals for your life; however, at times you can feel stuck when it comes to moving forward in accomplishing them. Everyone gets stuck sometimes. What is it that holds us back? What stops us from acting on our values? The answer is FEAR. No, not fear, but FEAR, an acronym that stands for:

F- Fusion

E- Excessive Goals

A -Avoidance of Discomfort

R- Remoteness from Values

Fusion

“Fusion” means blending or melding together. Think about two sheets of metal that are “fused” together. They are stuck together and you can’t pull them apart. In Acceptance and Commitment Training (ACT), we use the term “fusion” to mean that a thought and the thing it refers to (the story and the event) become stuck together, as one. In the state of fusion, we are completely entangled by our thoughts, pushed around by them, lost in them or fighting with them. Some of the most common type of thoughts that hooks our mind are: perfectionism, self-judgment, predicting the worst, rehashing old failures, and telling ourselves “I can’t do it” and “I’m not good enough”. The mind is like a reason-giving machine, and the bigger the challenge we face, the longer the list or reasons it will crank out why we can’t do it, shouldn’t do it or shouldn’t have to do it.

Anytime you are stuck ask yourself, “What story are you fusing with?”

Excessive Goals

If your goals exceed your resources, you will fail. If you want to climb Mount Everest, you need a massive number of resources: you need lots of time, lots of money, excellent physical health, excellent climbing skills and lots of social support. Without these resources, forget it.

Anytime you are stuck ask yourself, “Is this goal in some way excessive? Am I trying to do too much too soon?”

Avoidance of Discomfort

If we step out of our comfort zone, we will have discomfort. This can take many different forms, but by far the most common are fear, anxiety, nerves, self-doubt, and insecurity. If we are not willing to make room for discomfort, then you’re well and truly stuck in a place of waiting.

Anytime you are stuck ask yourself, “What thoughts and feelings am I trying to avoid or get rid of? What sort of discomfort and I struggling with?”

Remoteness from Values

Our values provide the motivation. So if we haven’t clarified them or we have lost touch with them, then we can easily get stuck; after all, what’s the point of doing something uncomfortable unless it enriches our lives in the long term.

Anytime when you’re stuck ask yourself, “What values am I forgetting, neglecting or acting

inconsistently with.

Question to ponder: What is stopping you?

Reference: Harris, R. (2011). The confidence gap: A guide to overcoming fear and self-doubt. Boston: Trumpete

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